The Story of Three Codenamed Ladies – ‘A’

*There once was a reporter who prided himself on being a daring investigative journalist. Having gotten the scoop on quite a number of gangs and cartels, he sought a new peak in his career, and decided to spy on one of the most elusive criminals on the face on the earth – none other than the king of Hell himself.

The following is the transcript of what he uncovered from his investigations, translated from spirit-talk to English with a hint of vernacular, due to the reporter’s heritage.*
Please read on!

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“This Danfo Is NOT Complete!”

“Which kine wahala be dis?!” he wailed. “Where you wan make I fine change nau?? I just dey start work!”

“My friend,” my uncle growled, insistently shoving the crisp N1000 note in the conductor’s face, “na wetin I get be this. To find change na your own problem.”

The conductor was furious, having announced to the point of annoying everyone that “IF YOU NO GET SHANGE, NO ENTER OH!!” Everyone else on the bus had complied, but this man was giving him N1000 for a N50 journey! Please read on!

Her Sudden Adulthood

“Mama, can we talk now?”

Silence greeted her that chilly night. Once again, her mother was giving her the cold shoulder. Tade turned, wiping a tear away…

Tade knew the drill: whenever she committed an offence, her mother would give her a ‘time-out’, ignoring her till a specified time period was exhausted. However, Tade just had never experienced a time-out this long.

“See you tomorrow, Mama.” Tade sulked away from her mum’s quarters. Maybe tomorrow she’ll answer…

  Please read on!

Pesky Neighbour [Chinazar’s Challenge]

Just a little…just a little…

“Junior, I’m home.” She let herself in, shutting the door behind her with her foot, her hands full of groceries. She could hear sounds coming from the parlor. Probably him stacking his toys again…as usual, no running to greet her, no “Mummy welcome!”…she sighed to herself.

“Aunty, welcome!” the voiced jarred her, almost causing the goods to drop. She turned to see the origin of the disturbance, and sighed again…not you again… Please read on!

The Cross Bearer’s Hour of Reprieve

(please note: This is a continuation of an earlier post here. Please read that before this, if you haven’t already. Thanks, and enjoy! 🙂 )

“Her majesty arrives!”

She walked into her brother lounging in the parlor, wearing that characteristic look on his face indicating his BlackBerry battery was almost dead, as usual, and her friend at the kitchen counter, grinning widely after announcing her arrival, drinking…juice? Again? Had he finally stocked his fridge? Good. I’d love some to cool down after such a busy day. She dropped her bag in her room, and then came out to do as planned. She opened the fridge to help herself to some, only to find it…empty? Again?! Why was his fridge always empty, yet he always had juice in his hand?!

“Because of the current economic crunch: I have to keep my vitamin C levels up. But I can’t afford it for everyone.” he answered her thoughts, which freaked her out…until she realized she’d actually asked the question out loud, not in her head. She smirked to herself. Please read on!

Hello? I’M PREGNANT!! Okay, Bye Now!!

He was in shock – of all the times for her to display her nonchalance, she chose now, and with this?

“But…I…we…” he stuttered.

Silence.

He heaved, and breathed out, slowly. He steeled his nerves a bit.

“Are you sure?”

“You, the guy, is asking me, the lady, if I’m sure. Of all the cliché questions…thought you’d be more imaginative.”

He breathed in again. If this wasn’t huge, he’d have smacked her over the head already. He looked for a chair blindly with his free hand. Stumbling into one, he sat without looking, and, switching on his hands-free Bluetooth headset, he dropped the phone, and combed his hair with his hands: again, this was news. Huge news. And the gravity was sinking in more and more…

He asked a question that had been gnawing at him. “Who…Um…*sigh*…wow…have…have you told anyone else?”

“God.”

“C’mon! Be serious!!” He realized he’d screamed that…relax…be a man…be a man…she didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry…it’s just…” he was lost for words. Which never happened. Even when his father-in-law had caught him snuggling with his wife when they were still dating – his father-in-law, the local gunsmith.

“I wasn’t joking, by the way: God was the first Person I told.”

“So…your husband…doesn’t…”

“No. He doesn’t know yet…but that should change very soon…”

Please read on!

La Nuit Des Pleurs

In the end, they both wept…it was a night of tears…

As she sprayed her perfume, all she could think about was him. Her new, young, dashing boss had won her heart, though unintentionally. She was truly grateful for him and all he’d done this past month, and she was determined to show it. She thumbs-uped herself in the mirror for her dress: corporate yet sensual, just like she’d been taught. She did this all for him…she hoped he’d appreciate her…

She’d organized the meeting with a bogus request; taking advantage of the fact that he was always willing and needed hardly a reason to help others, another thing she appreciated about him…she’d made sure to schedule it late in the evening, informing him it was to avoid the hectic work environment of the day so as to help her understand better and faster. He obliged.

And obliged he did! Immediately after complimenting her good looks, he sat her down, and began drilling her on the subject she’d requested help! On and on the lesson went…he hardly glanced her way, busy serving her. Slowly, it dawned on her that he really didn’t know why she’d organized this meeting with only two of them in the entire office…young, eager worker, she mused. She decided to help him see…she did like him, after all… Please read on!