Unearthening Ancient History…

“Let’s give up,” the first researcher moans. “There’s nothing to be found here.”

His companion, also a researcher, isn’t listening, as he’s too busy keeping hope alive.

“Come now, let’s just go through these caves once more.”

“Why are you so disgustingly optimistic?”

“Oh? So you want me to be like you, and go and tell our sponsors and grant money-givers that ‘Two years and $1million in the fabled Elusian caves yielded nothing’, right?”

*The first researcher ponders, a light bulb clicking above his head.* “We must go through these caves once more,” he announces as he takes the lead, with his companion chuckling.

*Both wander the caves for another two hours, hope almost giving way to despair. But just at the last moment, the floor crumbles beneath them, and dooooooown they fall! Luckily, the fall is for only half a meter, and they aren’t too worse for wear on getting up.

*Both rise, and suddenly realize they haven’t seen this section of the caves before, nor did they know it even existed in their two years of traversing it. Excitement gives way to sheer glee, as they discover, after lighting some flares, that they are in a passageway, with a door at the end. Walking towards it, they attempt opening the door, but it suddenly gives way, and the sudden draft it causes whips up a dust cloud thick enough to slice, let alone breathe. Both researchers cough vehemently, cursing their line of work.*

*To their surprise and ours, the researchers discover what appears to be a lab, with a main computer and some desks. Shocked at what manner of people would come hide a workstation so deep underground, they wonder what sort of secret government operations it must have been. Luck is really on their side today, however, as both stumble on an insignia, also covered in dust. The markings on it are, to their relief, in English. Researcher #1 dusts it, and attempts reading it…*

“What’s it say? *cough* *cough*” asks Researcher #2.

“Let’s see…well*cough* *cough* Well, it seems we can forget about this being some shadow agency – it’s a private operation, for this reads *cough* *cough*, ‘Deolu Blogs Here…'”

“‘Deolu’? What’s*cough* *cough* What’s a ‘Deolu’?”

“Oh come now,” Researcher #1 answers with some rebuke in his tone, “surely you know the usage implies it’s more likely a who than a what – probably the name of a person.”

“I did know that,” Researcher #2 replies with some pout, “it’s just that I was hoping it was a what, for I shudder in pity to even think someone would be named ‘Deolu’ – it strikes me as the name of one scrawny, geeky fellow…”

“Ah! In that case, I wholeheartedly agree with you there.”

“And it says that this Deolu blogs here – ha! More like gathers dust here *cough* *cough* This place is so…!! *sniff* *cough* When last has anyone even been here?!”

“You’re telling me! *wheez* *hack*

*The two explorers gaze on the forlorn discovery, contemplating. Researcher #1 looks to his left and spies a file*

“Ah, here we go!” he announces with some delight.

“What is it?” asks the other.

“It’s the report of the inquiry into this place. Perhaps it’ll shed some light on why it was abandoned so…let’s see…” *dusts the folder rigorously, then roams his finger up and down pages* “Okay! According to this, the blog – for it really was a blog operation – was temporarily ‘decommissioned’ due to plenty of ‘willfully ordained rigorous kinetics’, a fault here codenamed ‘W.O.R.K‘. Hmmm…in addition to W.O.R.K, there was also a decline in ‘generating imperative notions and grammatically energized responses’ – this jaw breaking fault aptly codenamed ‘G.I.N.G.E.R’.”

“So…lots of W.O.R.K. and no G.I.N.G.E.R, eh? Those sound like very serious faults…” offers Researcher #2, still covering his nose.

“According to this, it was coupling them that made it serious enough to cause this mess we’ve just unearthed. But even worse, was that the managing umpire of stories and expressions, or ‘M.U.S.E.’ suddenly stopped coming to work. No reason was tendered for their leave, and still no explanation is given for their absence.”

“Wow…and they’ll still be receiving paycheck oh! Some people sha!”

*contemplations are about to continue, but Researcher #1  suddenly spies a changeover switch to his left*

“Well what have we here?” *walks to it* “This looks interesting…”

Kini yęn?

*surprised* Ah, so all this while you’re Yoruba?! Ę dę sǫ tęlę!!!??

Ko need nowabi? Anyways, let’s continue speaking English, so that if one chronicler somewhere intends documenting the exact details of our discovery he/she won’t rack their brains for translations.”

“True true…so then: you asked what this was. This:” *points to switch* “is the master ‘ON/OFF’ switch for the blog operations.”

“Fascinating! And it’s now set to the ‘OFF’ position?”

“Obviously,” he answers condescendingly.

*both stare at the dusty, rusting switch as if seeing a vision. Suddenly, Researcher #2 lunges for it*

“What the…?!” screams Researcher #1, spooked. “What do you think you’re doing…umm…wait, what’s your name again?”

“Researcher #2.”

“No…I mean, your real name.”

Researcher numbuh two.”

“Blood of…!!! I SAID YOUR REAL…wait oh, come to think of it, even I can’t recall my name except for “Researcher #1″! Why are our names numbers?”

“Efficiency – this way, no need to memorize names.”

“Hmmm…make sense…”

“Either that, or the birther of our destinies was too lazy a writer to come up with real names for us.”

“It’s strange you should suggest that, because I was beginning to think that even this entire plot, to me, somehow…sucks, and doesn’t hold water…”

“Like the conception of one lazy geek somewhere, bah? I get. Even finding this ‘master switch’ seems to be such an easy deus ex machina!

“Exactly! Well, enough with…wait, a ‘deus ex machina’? *frowns* You…you have no idea what that is, do you?”

*sheepish face* Well…no. But since we were hurling insults at our writer, I wanted to sound smart doing so!”

*sighs* Anyway, enough of breaking down the fourth wall. As I was saying…*ahem* WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“I want to restart the blog,” Researcher #2 answers condescendingly, enjoying his turn.


“Well…why not?”

“What of the problems stated?! You think the CPU core has somehow magically upgraded itself to withstand lots of W.O.R.K. and overcoming lack of G.I.N.G.E.R. without breaking down again?”

“I think if the M.U.S.E. returns on time, they just might abet things. Besides! What if we restart it, and it turns out to be an even greater breakthrough than if we’d locked it in one museum somewhere?”

*Researcher #1 ponders, then smirks devilishly to himself* “Well, on the plus side, if it does break down again, we can sharply package it and still cash it as an ‘artifact’, for which we’ll take the credit with no one the wiser!”

“Yeeeeee…..ooooshe!!!! In fact, ǫmǫ Yoruba lęyin tootǫ! Oops! I mean, you really are Yoruba!”

*both researchers then place their hands on the looming switch, sweating in anticipation*


“Flip it!”

*both flip the switch to ‘ON’, and lights suddenly stutter to life. A warm purr can be heard as the CPU boots, re-igniting the blog to life…or future museum scrap…*



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