My (Mischievous) Thoughts On “Man Of Steel” – Part II

(Whoa there! This is the final part. Click here to read the previous if you haven’t! :D )

1. Osama, Waldo, Carmen Sandiego Ain’t Got Nothing On Superman

For those of you who don’t know, let’s get a quick lesson:

Bin LadenOsama Bin Laden was a terrorist and former leader of the terrorist group Al-Qaeda. He was the mastermind behind a number of terrorist attacks the world over, including the 9/11 downing of the World Trade Center twin towers. After 10 gruelling years, millions of dollars, and the lives of countless soldiers and agents, the US government finally found – and killed – him.

MartinHandfordWally&FriendsWhere’s Wally?’ is a children’s game where a character – the eponymous Wally (or ‘Waldo’ in the US and Canada) – is drawn into a crowd of people, and you have to find him. Due to his characteristic pink-striped clothes and suspenders, and because great lengths are taken to blend him in, it’s not as simple as it sounds…

Can you find him in this pic?

Can you find him in this pic?

Carmen Sandiego is the titular anCarmen_Sandiegod popular (though fictitious) character of Brøderbund Software’s educational franchise aptly named, “Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?”

(Brøderbund are also the makers of the popular Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, with Mavis being another titular and popular, though fictitious, character. Seriously, guys?)

As well as inspiring a ’90s educational cartoon series, Carmen is the leader of V.I.L.E., a criminal organisation, and serves as the main antagonist who somehow eludes everyone despite their best efforts.

Now, what do the above three have in common? Well, this: for a long period, people (have) spent a lot of time and resources looking for them.

All of them have been identified…though Carmen is still on the loose, lurking around somewhere…

…somewhere indeed… (credit)

That brings me to my final point: how hard is it to unravel Superman’s secret identity?

In the movie, that question is first posed to reporter Lois Lane. Having met and gotten saved by him, she – after unsuccessfully trying to publicize his story – sets out to uncover his secret. We see her doing her reporter thing, interviewing people, taking notes, bla bla, until…huzzah! She locates the very house he grew up in. More so: his cover blown, he is forced to find her to convince her to be quiet.

Now, you’d think that the very government that located the head of a terrorist network, not to mention whose defence budget is more than the next top five nations’ combined, would have absolutely no difficulty locating someone a reporter with comparatively limited resources found.

Actually, if you had thought that, you’d be wrong. Oh so veeeery wrong….

If you were someone who, prior to this movie, was rooting for the CIA and all those other acronyms, I can’t help but comfort you in the disappointment you must have felt afterwards. As you keep watching, you keep hoping, surely, one of these guys will find Superman’s true identity!

They don’t. But that’s not the real disappointment.

The real disappointment is that you will realise that this movie – whether purposely or inadvertently – actually announced that finding Osama was pure luck, and the American government – perhaps the entire world – is actually full of numskulls.

Why this conclusion? Follow the signs:

Aliens come and threaten the world unless one of their own hiding on earth is revealed.

It comes to light that a famous reporter is aware of the identity of said alien.

The reporter insists she will not reveal it. Even though her boss and the FBI pushes, she stands her ground.

This is where things become…upside down. Normally, in the real world, at this point, someone would have screamed in Lane’s face, ARE…YOU…CRAZY?!

Or, with the pressure of far superior weapons of mass destruction looming down, it is most likely somebody with lesser morals would have hinted, “Why don’t we torture her? It is literally the end of the world if we don’t get her to talk for cryin’ out loud…”

Jack_Bauer

Those eyes CLEARLY say this guy would.

Both don’t happen (thank goodness).

Okay, how about something more humane, like oh I don’t know, tracking Lane’s movement over the past week/month/year? With all the recent brouhaha on the NSA’s snooping and other privacy violations, it is mind boggling to think this government can be this oblivious. Surely someone somewhere would be able to know precisely where Lois had been/was coming from i.e Kansas, retrieve her airline ticket(s) and travel routes, where she stopped for gas…in today’s techie world, and with the threat of extinction, the options are endless! This should be EASY!

None of this happens. To the shock of all knowledgeable watching, the American government, while displaying superior firepower, shows a surprising lack of sense.

Oh, it doesn’t end there…it seemed the movie had to really rub it in the face of the government with what else happened:

A little while after threatening earth and then receiving Superman captive, Zod sends two of his spacecrafts (whose trajectory the Americans monitored by the way)…to Kansas…

The Americans sent their military to engage those same crafts and aliens…in Kansas…

An all-out alien brawl levelling several structures and killing some military servicemen ensued…in Kansas…

Zod himself – the big bad boss himself – was on one of those crafts, which landed on a farm…in Kansas…

Lois Lane – that very reporter oh – gets a ride in a police car to that same farm…in Kansas…

Hmmm…is anyone else seeing a trend here?

Picard kansas

Chai! ALL it took was for someone, ANYone, to point out, “Yo…what’s up with Kansas all of a sudden?”

Instead, something I can only imagine and forgive as fiction occurs: well after the alien wahala passes (so that rules out the excuse that they were under pressure and could not think straight due to the pressing circumstances) the movie ends with the government spending TWELVE-WHOOPING-MILLION-DOLLARS ($12,000,000) on a drone to monitor and locate Superman…

…which he then SMASHES…

IN KANSAS!

PicardPalm

If you thought the obvious meter could not be maxed out, you should stop reading right now. Why? Because after the effrontery of smashing said drone directly in the general’s presence, the following conversation takes place between Superman and him:

General: How do we know you won’t one day act against America’s interests?

Superman: (pointing to his background) I grew up in Kansas, General. I’m about American as it gets.

In case you speed-read that, lemme slow down and re-emphasis for you:

Somehow mocking that everybody around him is as dumb as a brick to not have picked up on the Kansas flare by now, Superman (while pointing to a specific direction oh!)…also…blatantly…stated…that…he…GREW….UP…IN…wait-for-it…KANSASAMERICA

Don’t know about you, but I understand ‘grew up’ to mean ‘SPENT A MAJOR PART/PORTION OF MY LIFE’.

This is no longer easy – it has become RIDICULOUS!!!!

supes-taunt

…VERY ridiculous…

This movie should have ended with the general giving a smug laugh and saying, “Aha! Gotcha fool! Took us a while, but we finally know how and where to find you, sucker!”

Instead, the movie ends with the general – and the general public – still being oblivious to Clark’s secret identity.

(On a side note, it should now make sense why he really fell in love in Lois – she is obviously the smartest woman, nay human, on earth to have figured it out with even less clues. May their intelligent offspring give our doomed idiot race hope. K)

So, we learn the following:

  • as it turns out, in Superman’s world, sending in a bunch of reporters/secret agents equipped with nothing more than a pen and paper – or at most a smartphone – to find someone’s obvious secret identity is for FOOLS! If you want it done right, splurge like some $12million of the faithful taxpayer’s money on a drone, shrug “Oh well!” when it gets smashed, then rinse and repeat – that’s how to do it right. BURNING MONEY!  ’cos that’s how the American government rolls, baby.
joker burning-money 2

…this totally explains the federal deficit…

  • But more importantly: spending millions of illegal money and using terrorist networks is for amateurs! Pink suspenders? Lame! Overcoats and a Spanish name are old school. If you really want to never be found, tell your seekers where you live(d), comb your hair a different way, and then don a pair of transparent glasses.

Seriously.

Don’t agree? In case you were having any doubts as to this last point, then well…

aizen

My (Mischievous) Thoughts On “Man Of Steel”

(***SPOILER ALERT!!***
If you haven’t watched “Man of Steel”, be warned that this post contains many spoilers. Do NOT read if you don’t want any suspense removed!
Also, if you don’t have any sense of humour, do NOT read on as well. Just go home with your sour self. :p )

So I (finally) watched “Man of Steel” recently, and I LOVED it! The makers brought joy to my geeky heart, and I enjoyed watching it with its glorious dialogue and make sense action (did you see Superman’s continual breaking of the sound barrier?!)

*bliss!!*

*bliss!!*

However, when some of the euphoria wore off, I decided to become a little mischievous, and point out some ‘issues’ I discovered in the movie. Some of these issues were subtle; others, not so much.

So…join me in satirizing exploring the three of them?

3. Dog v. Man

One of the scenes that really got me going “What in the world?!” was the one where Clark’s father died.

Now, there may be some of you that, well, this scene may make complete sense to you, you know, man sacrificing himself…for his dog. Beht for some others, um…

ARE YOU OKAY?!

As Martha (Clark’s mother) informs Jonathan (his father) that their dog is still trapped in the car, I found myself wondering, Hmmm…how will this play out? He obviously can not try and risk braving that looming tornado for a dog.

new-dog

???

As he ran the distance to the car, I was screaming: DUDE! Do you know how FAST a dog runs?! The moment you open that door, it…will…DUST…YOU! It will most likely make it, AND YOU WON’T!

And that was precisely what happened. Arrgh!

Don’t misunderstand, I get the whole “We never leave a man/dog behind” mantra of solidarity even in tough situations, especially if that dog has been with you faithfully for years, like family. But somehow I kinda got the impression from this that…oh, um, a dog is as valuable as a human life?

Seriously?

Now, perhaps some of you ladies may be reading this and saying, Deolu, shame on you! How can you be questioning such chivalry?!

If the reason you say he did this was chivalry, I have some questions for you:

Jointly raising with your wife an alien son with no previous biological knowledge of his species, is that not chivalry?

Raising said son with no external support, welfare, and in painful secrecy, is that not chivalry?

Instilling excellent and moral values into that son so much so that he turns out to be quite the pinnacle of discipline, is that not chivalry?

While doing all the above, also loving your wife even when it dawned she would never birth any (human) children of her own for you both, is that not chivalry?

Wait sef: being happily and faithfully married for that long in all these circumstances, is that not chivalry?!

Why would he be required to do something this dangerous to ‘display chivalry’? I should think his track record speaks highly enough!

No, I don’t think the reason for this was chivalry.

So, what then? He was trying to keep his son’s identity a secret, at any cost? Here’s why I disagree with that too:

What this situation required was not for someone to run faster than a speeding bullet, or leap over a building in a single bound, but to just open a car door. That was all. Run…open door…run back. ANY one could’ve done that without arousing the slightest suspicion, so why not let Clark?

Further, Clark was younger, and therefore way more agile than Jonathan.

Clark had super vision and hearing, giving him a more accurate picture of how much time he had to do it.

Clark also had x-ray vision, making him able to know precisely what needed to be done to save the dog.

And of course, there’s always the simple rule of ‘playing dead’:

“Clark, if anything hits you that should hurt a normal human, play dead to reduce suspicion.”

“Yes sir”

And if all else failed, all Clark had to was run behind where everyone was, find something to cover his face, and save the dog – at least, that worked for this guy’s first trial at heroism

In fact, looking at all this now, I think it would actually arouse more suspicion if the lesser qualified option (Jonathan) went – people would be going, Just what does that old dude think he’s doing?!

C’MON! All evidence seems to point to the fact that Clark could have done this easy and NOT arouse any suspicion that they were worried about!

Well, just as science (a la the Mythbusters) has proven that Jack DIDN’T have to die at the end of Titanic, weighing all this, I am afraid I shall conclude that though what Jonathan did was brave, it was unnecessary. Beht hey, the script said young Superman needed a defining moment, so…

Lol…I can just imagine if it was me that did that, and my wife had to inform my parents of my demise. I can already predict their reaction:

brave

2. America Polices Aliens Too

On the world scene, whenever some dictator or rebel group goes haywire, or law and order breaks down, or perhaps even a war is looming, people usually cast their gaze towards the superpowers to offer direction, or at least superior firepower to quickly quell any disputes. Usually leading this pack (in the West especially) is the United States of America. It is a role taken so serious, in fact, that its Presidents are elected partly based on how they plan to project America’s military strength, and what they hope to do for not just America, but for other countries as well.

However, sometimes it just so happens that, being leader of the pack, America does most of the work, bearing most of the brunt of whatever crisis they wade into. Sometimes even her allies offer little aid. But hey, it’s America, right? They can handle anything, right?

Now, a crisis no one has ever encountered occurs. A threat bigger than anything ever faced emerges on the scene: aliens. With far superior technology. And physical agility. And with way more disregard than Hitler for ‘lesser beings’.

With such a great looming enemy, only one option is certain: bring in the big boiz! *now playing Ghostbuster’s ‘Who You Gonna Call?!’*

But something surprising occurs in this movie. While America quickly responds to the call, somehow, the rest of the world is fine just standing aloof, arms akimbo. No, no one objects to America’s tactics. No one applauds it as well. All you hear is…

Yes, nothing.

Could it be the world is fine letting America police aliens as well?

Do remember, Zod threatened the entire world – his message was broadcast on every medium of communication known to man currently, in all the major languages and on all the major continents…though Africa was surreptitiously missing…

kermit none of my business

How come no one else is seen responding, or even panicking? Did they have that much assurance America would do a good job?

Well, perhaps the fact that the alien ships hovered within American airspace didn’t help the matter. But hey, forget America’s allies for a moment – you telling me even America’s (fren)enemies were content to sit on the sidelines too and not burst in for some action of their own, when these aliens made clear they would enslave/wipe out everyone?

Plus, later on in the movie, one of those ships landed in the Pacific Ocean, which is in the perimeter of the European and Asian superpowers. The movie kinda made clear that if Superman didn’t destroy it, everyone else would have ignored it. Why did these superpowers ignore their own backyard?!

More staggering, even the UN and NATO were nowhere to be found! This is just incredible! I mean, what were the other super (and nuclear) powers of the world doing while America was having their butts handed to them?!

Kermit tea

CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONCLUSION OF THIS MISCHIEVOUSNESS ;)

Leafy Lesson

For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.
Romans 5:10

The above passage was a mental block for me. It just didn’t make (total) sense. I mean for years oh…you know when they say you lagi mo somtin?

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